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Most marketing agencies...
Most marketing agencies...
they're full of shit.
they're full of shit.
Not us...
Not us...
At The Poopy Agency,
At The Poopy Agency,
WE ARE THE SHIT.
WE ARE THE SHIT.
Don't believe us?
Don't believe us?
We really don't care.
We really don't care.
We could give two flying fucks what you believe.
We could give two flying fucks what you believe.
The shit we do for money...
The shit we do for money...
Web Design and Development
Web Design and Development
We build and design EXTREMELY EFFECTIVE WEBSITES that generally look COMPLETELY HORRENDOUS. We're not going to build you some sexy, slutty website that looks great but does nothing for you. We're going to build you a "Gus" - a complete idiot who WORKS HARD and GETS SHIT DONE.
We build and design EXTREMELY EFFECTIVE WEBSITES that generally look COMPLETELY HORRENDOUS. We're not going to build you some sexy, slutty website that looks great but does nothing for you. We're going to build you a "Gus" - a complete idiot who WORKS HARD and GETS SHIT DONE.
Copywriting
Copywriting
We write copy and WE'RE REAL STRAIGHT SHOOTERS. We don't FUCK AROUND. We let your customers know EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK THEY'RE GETTING, AND EXACTLY THE REASON WHY THE FUCK THEY SHOULD GET IT FROM YOU. If you want anything less, then KICK ROCKS.
We write copy and WE'RE REAL STRAIGHT SHOOTERS. We don't FUCK AROUND. We let your customers know EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK THEY'RE GETTING, AND EXACTLY THE REASON WHY THE FUCK THEY SHOULD GET IT FROM YOU. If you want anything less, then KICK ROCKS.
Social Media
Social Media
We manage and promote your business profile on the toxic wastelands of social media. We identify the people most likely to buy your offerings and we BOLDLY GRAB THEIR ATTENTION, PEAK THEIR INTEREST, TAP INTO THEIR DESIRES, AND CALL THEM TO ACTION.
Oh the price you'll pay
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Oh the price you'll pay
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We ain't cheap, bucko.
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Websites...
$25,000+ UP FRONT + $1,000+/month*
The price depends on a whole lotta shit. Info site? That'll be 20 G's cuz. Ecomm? You're fucked - that'll royally cost you an ARM and a LEG (pushing $100k+ UP FRONT + $5,000+/month). You'll get an itemized quote for approval PRIOR to any contracts being signed. Web page copy included (NO BLOG POST/ARTICLES/WHATEVER ELSE INCLUDED)
* Website management cost vary wildly depending on the type of site and your particular needs.
Copy...
$15,000+ UP FRONT + $7,500+/month
If you want people to buy your shit, you need to give them a DAMN GOOD REASON WHY. Articulating that REASON WHY isn't cheap. It takes a lot of TIME and EFFORT. Plus you need all that SEO shit, right? "Engaging Content" and the like? Blog posts? Listicles? Fuck whoever came up with that word. All of that stuff is A LOT OF WORK, and we are LAZY AS HELL.
...Monthy Copy Rates...
...$7,500/month = FOUR posts PER MONTH
...$13,000/month = EIGHT posts PER MONTH
...$20,000/month = FIVE posts PER WEEK!
...$30,000/month = ONE post PER DAY!!!
...$50,000/month = TWO posts PER DAY!!!!!
Social...
$10,000+ UP FRONT + $10,000+/month
Up front costs cover research, monthly costs cover the unholy job of managing your social media presence. You get ONE post per day out of us at the base rate. During normal waking hours, we reply and react to comments, and we forward customer concerns/complaints to the relevant POC unless otherwise instructed. We'll most definitely make sure you get noticed, for better or for worse.
...Monthy Social Rates...
...$10,000/month = ONE Daily Post + Comment Engagement
...$18,000/month = TWO Daily Posts + Comment Engagement
...$24,000/month = THREE Daily Posts + Comment Engagement
......Social Add ons......
...+$10,000/month = 50-prospect/day Cold DM Outreach
...+$17,500/month = 100-prospect/day Cold DM Outreach
...+$5,000/month + ad costs = Ad campaign management
...+$7,500/month = 10-outbound-comments/day
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THE WHOLE SHEBANG
$44,000+ UP FRONT + $25,000+/month*
Website Design/Development/Hosting
ONE Blog Post PER DAY
ONE Social Post PER DAY
50 prospects/day Cold DM Outreach
Ad Campaign management (ad costs not included)
10 Outbound-Comments per Day
THAT'S $6,000 OFF UP FRONT COST
AND $38,500 OFF THE MONTHLY COST
THAT'S A YEARLY SAVINGS OF $462,000!
How you get ahold of us (if you're insane enough to hire us)
How you get ahold of us (if you're insane enough to hire us)
We don't fuck with emails, and we don't fuck with phones until we know this is a good fit. Most of the time it is NOT. You see, the truth is, our marketing style is abso-fucking-lutely NOT for everyone... BUT... for a very select few MAVERICK RENEGADE BUSINESSES, it is perfect.
If you are one of the few standout businesses that want to ESCAPE the BORING SHITTY MARKETING MATRIX that 99.9% of business are TRAPPED IN, then we are the agency for you.
If you are a business that would benefit from a little EDGE, then we are the agency for you.
If you are a business with BIG DICK ENERGY, BIG MONEY TO THROW AROUND, and you're not afraid to TAKE A RISK, then we are the agency for you.
We are the FUCKING Poopy Agency, and WE HAVE BALLS. We can help you ATTRACT and WIN-OVER CUSTOMERS that need A LITTLE MORE RAZZLE MC-FUCKING DAZZLE.
To work with us, you have to have BIG HUGE ULTRA-MASSIVE BALLS. Shout us out on Instagram using the Poopy Agency hashtag - #poopyagency. From there, sit back and wait - we'll either reach out, or we won't. Who fucking knows...
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Fuck you and goodbye.
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